CLAUDIA ROMANI NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER USER

Stormy Daniels 

Notorious attention junkie Claudia Romani was "spotted" in her natural beach habitat and mostly natural attire the other day, doing her best TRON impression with a hula hoop. Unfortunately, it would appear that Claudia's identity disc is mostly empty air, which is apropos considering that she seems to know little else but posing in bikinis. One might choose to judge her harshly for that, but you do have to admit that she is pretty good what she does. Hey, we can't all be brain surgeons. Some folks have to opt for that fall back position and fashion a career out of showing their ass in thongs. It's a noble profession, with predecessors going back to at least the early 80s. It's also a worthwhile public service, perhaps even more than many others. I mean really, how often are do you find yourself in need of a brain surgeon anyway? Maybe once in your life, if you're really unlucky. And then you gotta have your head cut open. That's no fun. Wouldn't you rather be giving your money and time to the chick with the hot ass in a thong? Not only is she cheaper, but look at all the eye candy you get to enjoy. Sure, your brain will probably rot in your skull, but at least you had fun, right?

CANDICE SWANEPOEL IS THE TASTIEST SALT LICK

Victoria Justice Street Team 

It's a bikini Monday here on Moviehotties and it sure is a nice to be at that time of year when we can enjoy days like these. Just sitting back in whatever furniture you have available to you at the moment and relax with some fantastic bodies in tiny beach attire. Bodies like Candice Swanepoel's, seen here advertising the latest beachwear for something called Agua de Coco. Not that most of us with a penis really care about what this shit is called. Our concern is how it wraps around Candice's ass. From the looks of it, I'd have to say it wraps pretty well. Then again, not much doesn't when you're talking about an ass as fine as hers. Something about these settings is also helping her out a lot. Maybe it's the water or the bright salt formations, but she's taking on a certain supernatural beauty here. Normally I'm not as impressed with those hotties who take on so many of the standard supermodel tropes, like the blonde hair or the super trim body. Still, there's something about Candice than shines through all that standard issue and makes her special, in my eyes anyway.

FISTFULS OF PICS OF KATIE CASSIDY BEING HOT FOR SHARP CANADA

I do not know what Sharp Canada is and I do not give one single milligram of a give-a-damn if it's a magazine, an electronics retailer or a company that sells knives to little kids online. I've been a long-time supporter of the hotness of Katie Cassidy and this intense, fully exploitational photoshoot of hers is eye candy transmitted straight to the golden goose egg room of my brain. Those blue eyes, the way she looks so stunning as a brunette. The fact that she's besties with Kaley Cuoco (so I've heard and want to believe they have girlie pillow fights together). It's all good in whatever hood photographer Greg Hudson shot these in. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

AUDRINA PATRIDGE

There has to be a market for them or at some point, the people behind the SCAR MOVIE 5 franchise, and I'm talking about the financial backers, not the people writing, making or starring in these flicks, would have decided to buy a clue instead. The movies are constantly knocked for being crappy and yet they're still around. Sorta like one of their stars, this week's Hot or Not pick.

Audrina Patridge

I was too young to realize that "Remote Control," was the show that would kill the video music channel. It was bright, shiny and filled with reprehensibly raunchy funniness. (Many thanks to Ken Ober for being that game show host with the wry twinkle in his eye.) And I'm too old to have been in the demographic to which "The Hills" caters to. Audrina Patridge got her start on what was (or wasn't?) a reality show and has been popping up repeatedly ever since.

Like most of the stars of the "reality programming" on MTV, once Patridge went through her plastic surgery initiation, she was integrated into the annals (TWO Ns! TWO Ns!) of realitards who get to appear on all manner of supposed "celebrity" shows, including her stint on "Dancing with the Stars," and various other reality-based shows which used her a judge or participant to hopefully leak her fans over to their new programming.

The way that Patridge looks troubles me. I wonder what she would look like with less plasticity to her. I am distracted by her eyes, which always appear to be hovering in an upward drift. (I've seen other sites refer to Audrina as "Ceiling Eyes.") Would her body look all that great without the boobs and the spray tans and the waxings, pluckings, peelings and splashes of chemical additives? When you have to try too hard to look hot, doesn't that defeat the system of actually BEING hot?

What do you think of Audrina Patridge?

JESSICA ALBA STRIKES A FAMILIAR POSE

It goes without saying that we've been very lucky when it comes to catching some of our top hotties in their springtime bikinis. Kate Beckinsale kicked it off with her bikini butt blurfest. Then Hayden Panettiere mimicked Kate with her own two-day swimsuit arse-stravaganza. And now Jessica Alba has answered the prayers of her patient fans, by hopping on the wagon and rewarding them with classic booty pose déjà vu. Thankfully, the temperature has finally risen to her breaking point, and she could no longer stand to be dressed in multiple layers any longer. Alba already surprised us by looking all smiley and sexy on the beach last friday, and it looks like she chose to drag it on out over the weekend. I suppose if there's anything better than Alba's ass in a bikini, it's Alba's ass in 3 bikinis. Enjoy!

RUMER WILLIS CONTINUES TO TRY AND MANIPULATE YOUR HEARTS INTO LOVING HER

As much as it pains me at times to post images of Rumer Willis, knowing that her haters will come out in full force and feed upon visage as if vultures ravaging the spilled guts of a dead animal, I at least restrained myself from including images of her with her boyfriend, Jayson Blair. The dude was dressed up poolside at the Marquee Dayclub in Las Vegas on Saturday, looking like he was modeling his douchiness after Scott Disick. As far as mocking Rumer's fashion choices, I can't. Her mother was traditionally well-known for doing these weird ensembles (remember the Oscar dress with shorts? Of course you do!) so she's falling down that family tree. With the facial features of Bruce Willis, who happens to be what I think is an exceptionally well-aged, handsome man, it unfortunately distracts from the fact that Rumer has a long, lithe figure that is quite enviable. One of these days, I do hope she